Hi Loves! This past week was a bit of a challenge to me. Many of you were around my blog when my grandma died a couple years ago. I did something this past weekend that was an event I did every year with her for over 20 years. Volunteering at a church function making potato dumplings for a fundraiser. It might seem silly but there is still a part of my heart that aches when I look over and still feel like I should see her helping us. (I know she is in spirit – keeping an eye on us all!) It was such an important event to her and I’m honored to have spent many years beside her as she taught me how to mix a dough, what it should feel like, and how to prepare it. (Memories that I’ll always cherish.)
While I’ve accepted her loss and know that some day we’ll meet up again – there are still little things that catch me off guard. I want everything to go so well to honor her memory and carry on a tradition. I think we did a good job at that but at the same time it is an extra stressor for me. I’m not sure why I care so much about something like that but at the end of the day thats what is going thru my head. Last year I was extra critical – it was the first year that we did it with out her by our side. I wanted so hard to make it perfect and seem like we can carry on flawlessly. The end result was a fair product that wasn’t good nor bad just ok. It was brought to my attention – jokingly – that it was my problem things aren’t going well because I wasn’t doing my part. (I do the final step – cooking the dumplings in boiling water.) That stuck with me. Its stupid to think that but it is what it is. At the end of the day this year I was exhausted physically and mentally. On the drive home I was quiet just going through the day trying to analyze how things went and hoping that I wasn’t the critical perfectionist that I was the year before.
Despite standing on concrete for 10 hours – stupid me didn’t take a break and sit down until the ride home. I knew that I had to do yoga when I got home that day and clear my head. Yoga has given me a place to do just that. To put it at peace if that can possibly make sense to someone without anxiety and stress issues. My mind is constantly running in circles always all over the place – yoga is a time every day where I can just shut it down. Its much like mediation is for some people – I just do movements during mine. I will credit the restorative practice that I chose to do with not giving me leg and foot cramps that typically hit me later on in the night after making dumplings. I also felt at peace and relaxed – knowing that we did the best we could and it is what it is.
Now – on to my get fit part of the post!
I am now in week 3 of my 21 day yoga works for summer challenge. Last week I did a yoga practice for 6 of the 7 days. Luckily Saturdays are my day off. This challenge has been intense – the practices have been what I would consider advanced beginner. I know I couldn’t pull off some of the poses if I’ve never done yoga before. While simple, it is challenging and I feel my legs and arms getting stronger by the day. Its been a breath of fresh air doing yoga with different instructors – some I like – others not as much. However, rarely will you do two videos with the same instructor back to back.
Thanks for reading through my feelings this week. Its not often that I put something so personal on here but some days I just feel better putting my feelings into words – something I’ve done my entire life. I know today – that my granny would be happy to see the group we had come together and carry on her tradition and hopefully next year it will be a little tiny bit less stressful.
xo – Jen