This week’s post is a bit more personal than I’ve been in a really long time. Towards the end of last week I had a pretty good sized anxiety attack. It was at night – but it’s hard to explain if you’ve never felt them.
I’d say the world is spinning out of control, nothing you say or do is right, and you cannot stop it from spinning. You’d give anything to hit “pause” and regroup but you can’t. You feel like you’re tumbling down this dark tunnel and no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop. My attacks are exhausting – I wanted to spend the next day in bed. Thankfully it hit me Friday night so I could rest up Saturday if I wanted. The other side to that attack is it made me realize that I was in a bad place physically & mentally.
Some times it takes a good ole meltdown to set things straight again. My year up until about 3 weeks ago was non-stop craziness. Literally – work, events, pretty much 8 weeks of something constantly going on. Then three weeks of getting back to normal kind of set me up to fail. The first week I was sick with a nasty cold. The second week I was recovering, and then last weekend my anxiety came crashing down.
I’ve learned with my anxiety I need to keep myself busy or focused on something. That’s why I turned to yoga a few years ago. When I leave my mind to “wonder” anxiety creeps back in. That is what happened. After a lot of talking, I was able to get to the root of my problem. My friend helped my identify a pattern that he picked up on that I totally overlooked. That’s when I realized I need to work on my anxiety again.
This week – I’m starting a 30 day email challenge for anxiety. I’m going to focus my attention on something positive. I want to get back into creative things and back into yoga where I’m able to control my brain.
Anxiety is something that I don’t want to treat medically – not until I’ve tried everything else at the very least. However, I know something like anxiety will never go away. It’s always there – lingering – waiting – when there is a moment of weakness, it will come back. Having anxiety is a balancing act and figuring out that balance is the tricky part. I’m actively trying to get it back into control.
Lastly – I’m down 2lbs from last week. Anxiety can make me eat, or it can make me sick and not want to eat. I’m just going to take the 2lb lost as a positive sign for now.
Until next week loves – be well.